“Remember sprouts!?“
That was the text. And with that, I was off on a sprouts bender that could only possibly end in this one perfect sandwich. It was my friend Jon’s question, and I’m not sure if I even answered it until days later when I responded with a pic of said sandwich and a slew of emojis. THE SPROUTS HAVE LANDED, I hollered to no one except one startled and annoyed cat.
I first met this sandwich on a solo trip to New York in college. Actually, it didn’t start out as a solo trip. I hitched a ride with the debate team, feigning an interest in debate. (It’s not that I was never interested in debate; it’s just that after my beloved high school debate coach was fired for misconduct, I never really got back into it, and anyway, I was busy tracking down sandwiches.) Right, well, I guess you could see this coming, but I ditched the debate team and got myself properly lost in the Lower East Side where I stumbled upon a little vegetarian diner and decided to treat myself to lunch.
And there, on a slab of seedy wheat bread, I found bliss: half an avocado under a blanket of melted cheddar, topped with thinly sliced red onion, tomato, and a cumulonimbus cloud of alfalfa sprouts.
Back in the kitchen of my college apartment, I recreated the sandwich dozens of times, and each time, it was like ditching the debate team all over again—that is to say very satisfying.
So, yeah, where DID sprouts go, Jon? Well it turns out they’re more deadly than day-old fugu. All this time, sprouts made us feel virtuous, but really they were trying to kill us! Figures.
WHY RAW SPROUTS MAY BE THE RISKIEST FOOD IN YOUR GROCERY STORE, shouts a 2011 headline in a panicked Marsha Krinkle voice. Tl;dr—the little vegetal pubes (and before them, their seeds) are apparently breeding grounds for the world’s nastiest food borne illnesses, from E. coli to Listeria, and even if you did wash them (who has the time!? I need sandwich now!), you wouldn’t be able to ever get them clean enough to be considered safe. To do that, you’d have to cook them, and well, ew. If you want to eat a sandwich full of sprouts, you might as well join a biker gang, because your ass is living on the edge.
The CDC breaks it down on their grim little list of Foods That Can Cause Food Poisoning, saying, “The warm, humid conditions needed to grow sprouts are also ideal for germs to grow. Eating raw or lightly cooked sprouts, such as alfalfa, bean, or any other sprout, may lead to food poisoning from Salmonella, E. coli, or Listeria. Thoroughly cooking sprouts kills the harmful germs and reduces the chance of food poisoning.”
Despite all this, you can still find plastic clamshell packages of sprouts at Fresh Market, Whole Foods, and Walmart. I guess, for us caution-to-the-wind sprouts lovers, no amount of sprout bashing (aka science) can keep us from our sandwiches. So here it is, for those of you who weren’t properly repulsed, The Sprout Sandwich. Enjoy it in good health.
That Sprout Sandwich I Had In New York One Time
Ingredients
2 slices of very seedy wheat bread (If you’re in Richmond, Broadfork Farm’s seed bread is perfect for this)
1 avocado, peeled, pit removed, and halved
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 slice ripe tomato
a few thin shards of red onion
a shitton (No pun intended! I’ll see myself out.) of alfalfa sprouts
a few drops of olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
Directions
Place the avocado half on one slice of bread (save the other half in its peel with the pit for something else) and cover with shredded cheddar. Place both slices of bread in a toaster oven, and toast until the cheese is melty and the bread is lightly toasted.
Remove from the toaster oven, and top with the remaining ingredients. Drizzle with olive oil (and you can give it a squeeze of lemon if you have one hanging around). Season, smash it together, and enjoy at your own risk.*
*Please don’t sue me if you get sick eating this sandwich, ok?